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Still Searching…

Hello Everyone,

 

It has been a while since my last post. Things have improved a little, but I am still searching for who am I and for where I belong. I keep reading about the positive aspects of my temperament and trying to focus on them, but it is difficult. It says that Melancholies are creative,gifted and self disciplined. We would make good Artists,Muscians,Fashion Designers,and Authors, just to name a few career choices. I feel like I am none of the above. God created me this way and i must learn to accept my temperament and stop letting my depression and my temperament ruin my life. I want to feel like I belong somewhere, but I don’t. I feel like I don’t fit in as a mother, as a wife or as a Christian. i always feel lost, like I don’t know what my next move is. Where do I belong? As a mother, i always feel inadequate, like I don’t know how to handle my children and their situations. As a wife, I feel like I don’t communicate enough with my husband. He tries to talk with me, but I am silent most times. As a Christian, I just don’t feel the joy and faith that I should have for the Lord. I should pray to him daily and I don’t. I sometimes feel like he doesn’t hear me and he won’t help me, but i know that he has blessed me. I must not give up. I have too much to live for. I must keep searching…

 

 

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Finding Me…

Who am I? I have asked myself that question a million times lately. I have been feeling  very down lately. Everything seems to bother me. I get angry and then extremely depressed. Yes, I know that I a mother and a wife and a Christian but who am I? Who is Michelle? I don’t even know where to start…

I thought that by getting on medication it would help me to to feel better about myself and that it would somehow magically make things better. It doesn’t. I am still depressed and frustrated with life. My thoughts aren’t clear and I feel as though I am loosing my mind. I find it hard at times to even ask God for help.

I fight to stay strong and to realize that God has a purpose for me. I have yet to find that purpose. I have yet to find myself…

who am ilion

Things Will Get Better…

Hello All!

I keep trying to tell myself that things will get better. It’s not like I have a horrible life, but I struggle with so many emotions. Some days I feel like they are just eating me up inside. Some days I feel like I just need everything to stop! I have been in counseling and I am realizing that my past upbringing has damaged me. I had a mother who loved me, but she was not very affectionate and encouraging. Now, I struggle with so many emotions …I am constantly seeking the approval and love people and I hate to disappoint anyone. I fell as if I am not good enough or even worthy enough. I know that I must keep on keeping on…however some days are harder than others. Things will get better…

 

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JUST HANG IN THERE…THINGS WILL GET BETTER…

 

Where Do I Go From Here?

Hello Everyone,

It has been a while since my last post. Safe to say…I am still here, I haven’t disappeared off the face of the earth. Although, I am not saying that I didn’t want that. I am still struggling. I heard that the Melancholy Temperament is the only temperament that wishes that they could change temperaments. I can attest to that thought. I often find myself saying why me? I know that I should not question God, but sometimes it’s hard to resist. I have to tell myself positive affirmations 3 times a day (with the help of my children reminding me). Some of things that I keep telling myself are:

  • I am worthy to be loved
  • I forgive myself for whatever past mistakes I have made
  • God loves me no matter what

As a Melancholy I have to keep telling myself positive thoughts, because if I don’t I will fall even deeper into the blackness of Hell…called depression.

If you are curious about your temperaments, here is a couple of sites where you can test yourself online. My husband and I were tested at our church by our minister. If you have a minister who is also a certified counselor, ask him about temperament testing, if you don’t, check out these sites:

http://www.goingthedistance.org/pages.asp?pageid=18151

http://www.agapecounselingcenter.org/

If you call/email the Agape Counseling  Center, tell them about your interest in the  TAP (Temperament Analysis Profile) and they may be able to refer you to a counselor in your area who can do the testing.

Keep me posted…For those of you who will take the online version. I think it a great experience, you may learn some things about yourself and or your spouse that may surprise you. Until next time, please keep those comments coming!

 

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Everyday is a struggle…

Hello Everyone,

 

It has been a while since my last post. I have been very tired. Tired and depressed. This whole Melancholy temperament wears me out. I feel like nothing I do is good enough. Instead of sharing my thoughts with my husband I keep them in for fear of his reaction. I always take his reactions negatively. That constant strive for that unattainable goal of perfection is slowly killing me. I constantly get headaches and my thoughts are constantly racing.I suffer from EXTREME low self esteem. If I could give only one piece of advice to parents, it would be to constantly tell your children that they are good and that they can achieve whatever they want out of life and if they fall get back up. I was never taught that, I was told that what I was doing was “stupid” or that how I though made no sense. That has hurt me more than anything in my life. It definitely did not help this Melancholy temperament of mine.

It has been truly a tough few weeks. I pray that I can get back on track. Have you ever felt like you just wanted to disappear? I am just tired…How can I be a good mother and wife, if I don’t believe that I am worthy of holding those titles. How can I teach my children to be positive and strong if I feel weak and tired? These are just a couple of the challenges that I am facing. Does anyone else out there have any similar challenges?

saddness

 

What is a Melancholy?

Do you have low self esteem? Do you have a  constant fear of rejection? Are you a perfectionist? Do you become overhwhelmed when you are around people all the time? Are you very task oriented? Then the chances are, you have a Melancholy temperament. Remember our temperament is the God given characteristic given to us before birth. Our personality is our “mask” of who we portray ourselves to be.

I recently learned all about temperaments and found out that I am a Melancholoy.  I was not very happy to discover that. Everything about a Melancholy seemed negative to me, which made me even more depressed. The only thing that gave me comfort was the fact that I discovered that I wasn’t crazy and abnormal, thinking “what’s wrong with me?” I realized that my behaviors and feelings were part of my temperament and there are a lot of people with my same temperament. Unfortunately, out of all the temperaments, Melancholies are usually the only temperaments who wish that they were something else.

  • However, being a Melancholy is NOT all negative. See the positive aspects of a Melancholy:
  • Analytical
  • Organized
  • Avoids Conflicts
  • Deep and Thoughtful
  • Artistic (They say that Whitney Houston was a Melancholy)
  • Faithful, devoted friend
  • Encourages Others
  • Talented, Creative
  • Communes Easily with God

We are INCREDIBLE people..we just have to keep telling ourselves that daily, no probably hourly….

Hang in there if you are a Melancholy, you are not alone. If you don’t know your temperament you should go and get tested. It will help you to understand yourself a lot better!

Thinking

It’s Alright To Be Melancholy…

Hello Everyone,

This is my first blog and I wanted to start blogging about something that I recently learned that I am.Recently, my husband and I sought counseling, we were having some issues with communicating and understanding one another. Now I know that “men are from mars and women are from venus” and we think differently, but what I didn’t know was that everyone has God given temperaments. What is a temperament? A temperament is the essence of who you are. It is who God created us to be from the beginning. There are five basic temperaments: The Melancholy, The Sanguine, The Supine, The Choleric, and the Phlegmatic. Everyone falls into these categories, most people have a dominant temperament. Well, through counseling, I found out that my husband was a Sanguine and I am a …yup, you guessed it a Melancholy. What’s wrong with that you may ask? Nothing, other than the fact that those two temperaments are the polar opposites. My husband is very outgoing, people orientated and a leader in everything he does, on the other hand I am uncomfortable around people, I never know what to say, I like my alone time and I am definitely not a leader.

My initial response after finding this out, was, does that mean there is no hope for my husband and I? Should we not be together? Silly me, that is just what a Melancholy would think. I ask you to take this journey with me as I introduce you to the world of the Melancholy. Through the ups and downs and sideway thinking a Melancholy. I recommend that EVERYONE get tested and see what their temperament is, men, women and children. It can help us in choosing a mate and in raising healthy and productive children. I am struggling everyday with being a Melancholy, but one thing I am coming to terms with is that God makes no mistakes, and he made me a Melancholy for a reason and I must learn to accept and it be happy with it.

Stay with me… I will tell you exactly what a Melancholy is…

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